return my video game
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
