All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your penis caused this!
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