I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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