Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
