So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
