Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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