dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
