Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
