Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
