No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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