I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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