Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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