He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
