make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
