walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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