he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
