John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
