And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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