Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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