I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
