Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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