you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
