It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
