At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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