Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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