70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
