I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
