Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
