I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
