I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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