you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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