i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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