i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
