Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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