Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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