Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
