Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
