i would punch a child for taco bell
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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