Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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