I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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