somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
