We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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