yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
