It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
