at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
