its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
NoShamevember. You game?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
