i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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