so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
