The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She even gives head with a lisp.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
