I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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