Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
